I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
