i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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