All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
