I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
