She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
