just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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