thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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