dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
