we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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