the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
