I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
