Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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