Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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