I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize