Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
