When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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