How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize