You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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