The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
