So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
