I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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