i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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