I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drake has all the answers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
