I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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