just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
