six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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