my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
