so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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