Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
