His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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