I'm so fucking centered right now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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