Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
