I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
