The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
