I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
