Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
