How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize