I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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