just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
