No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
two words...techno handjob
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
