I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
