I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
