you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
