Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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