She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We are two peas in an std pod
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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