I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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