I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
