Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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