You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize