Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
