i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
