We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
