May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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