My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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