Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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