You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
