Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
