fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
