I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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