You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
