I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
