i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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