Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
