Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
