Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
