Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
