Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Let's paint friendship bongs
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
