That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
