At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
