I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
