fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
