I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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